Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
