Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
barbara walters just said penis...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
