So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
