NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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