I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
