What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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