i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
