hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
