I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
