It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
