some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize