My hand turned me down
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
