mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize