The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
