my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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