Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you win again, gameday.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
