I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
