dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
