Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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