i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
