Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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