i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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