Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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