he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
