i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
