every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
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