God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
