Cold hands, warm shart.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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