Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
