Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
