Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
