she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
