Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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