Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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