I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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