Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
