Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
