I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Do vagina's smell?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
