There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
