How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
