matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
