Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Randomize
