Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
