while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
