I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
