i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize