And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
