i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
