You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
