i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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