K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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