If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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