im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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