She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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