You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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