Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
