He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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