question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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