You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
