I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
