You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
