Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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