Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
