Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
