Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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