Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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