She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
