I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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