Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
