how can u be prego again
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
