I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
