You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
