i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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