i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Slut skills are useful in every country.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
