What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
