I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize