I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
