I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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